The Bible Seen Through Children’s Eyes

 The following statements about the bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e.,bad spelling has been left in)...

 * In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

 * Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

 * Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.  Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.

 * Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

 * The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

 *  Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

 * Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

 * Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

 * The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

 * The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

 * The seventh commandment is that thou shat not admit adultery.

 * Moses died before he ever reached Canada.  Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

 * The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

 * David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

 * Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

 * When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

 * When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

 * Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

 * St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

 * Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.

 * He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

 * It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

 * The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

 * The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

 * St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

 * A Christian should have only one spouse.  This is called monotony.